Rest In Peace, Nana

Life certainly can change in an instant. 

Although I had had an uneasy feeling ever since I came home for Christmas break, nothing can really prepare you to lose someone you love--even though I had been through this 3 times before (once in 2004 and twice in 2008) In my heart I knew it wouldn't be too long, I figured she would not live to see me graduate, get married or have children...which really makes me so very sad- but I really did not think it would all happen so quickly

Dad went over to her house yesterday afternoon and they had planned to take her out to dinner but she didn't want to get out of the bed- she still lived at her house alone which surprised everyone and she had been going to bed very early- around 3 or 4 in the afternoon- looking back this was a sign that things were going downhill- so dad just let her stay in the bed and came on back home...We had dinner here and then around 7 or so mom and dad headed back to Nana's to try and get her out of bed to eat some dinner and then put her back to bed. Still, that uneasy feeling in my gut got stronger and I think I just knew something was going to be happening soon.

Jenn and I were watching Friday Night Lights and both took a break to get coffee- when we went back downstairs we saw that we had missed a call from Dad- immediately I knew it was not good. The voicemail from dad on my phone was just a little snippet of him crying and trying to say something, Jenn got ahold of him on the phone and he told her that Nana may have just had a stroke and that the ambulance was on the way. We both ran out of the house to the car and I sped us over to Nanas- we got about 2 min away when Mom called and said it was not looking good and that they were doing CPR and she may not be taken to the hospital. 

When we pulled onto Nana's street- the whole block was lit up with flashing lights from the ambulance and fire trucks...Dad was outside crying....mom was inside with the paramedics who were doing CPR and reading her living will/DNR documents..Not long after we got there one of the paramedics came over to show mom and dad the DNR that said she did not want to take extraordinary measures to remain living...dad began to cry- not knowing how he could make the decision to just let Nana pass away- but that's the beauty of DNR's the children do not have to make that choice, its really a gift from the parents to fill out they wishes before it gets to this point. I had to tell my dad that this is not what Nana would want- she would want to just go peacefully. They called it around 7:30 and the police came to make sure it all looked 'natural' and wait for the funeral home workers to come by and get Nana. Jason, Karen, Jeremy and Debra arrived not too long after she had passed - all just in shock. We waited around for the people from the funeral home- looked at old pictures and even laughed a few times.

dancing at Jason's wedding

Later, when talking to mom- because I wanted to know details- exactly what had happened, what she said what she did.... Mom said that when they got there she was in bed still- with her clothes still on from the day and was wearing her slippers still...Mom got her up out of bed to use the bathroom before fixing her some dinner. When she got into the bathroom mom noticed that she was just very weak- she tried standing up a few times and was just leaning over, Mom got her sitting back up right only to have her lean forward again and this time mom said she noticed the left side of Nana's face was drooping so she knew she had had a stoke- Mom told her that we all love her- and mom said that she tried to say something but it didn't make any sense and no real words came out...

She was 87 years old, that's a good long life, and for the most part she was pretty healthy, no physical illnesses, no cancer, no diabetes, no heart conditions- which seems like a miracle in and of itself in these days. For that, I am thankful. She was happy til the end, that's the thing about Dementia/Alzheimers- the person doesn't even suspect things may not be great- they are happy and that makes it easier for me.
 We are so thankful that we had one last Christmas with her, so thankful for all the years and memories we had with her...

Rest in Peace, Nana

12/27/2011

I will always love you.