The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating-

I just want to send you all over to Jamie's blog to read this post 

 and click the link at the end to watch the messages on The New Rules for Love Sex and Dating

I  watched them ALL morning and they are so great. seriously.

Its exactly what I needed to hear and I can bet that you could learn something from them too--

no matter where you are in life.

This is a powerful question for us single ladies (and fellas if any that read this) to think about:
Are you the person 
that the person you are looking for
is looking for?

The first part of the message talks about intentionally becoming that person, instead of constantly searching for the 'right person'...
He goes into the Love Chaper in the bible- 1 Corinthians 13
and says that each of us should practice those things daily,
so that it is natural when we do meet the person we will marry

I HIGHLY suggest you watch the messages,
and here are the notes that I took while watching

Part One:The Right Person Myth

Am I looking for the right person or am I becoming the right person?

Am you the person the person you are looking for is looking for? – intentionally become who the person you are looking for is looking for

God created relationship, God created you for relationship

{1 Corinthians 13}

-Love is Patient- never pressure the other person, true love gives as much space, and time as necessary

-Love is Kind and Considerate- take the other persons feelings into consideration at all times

-Love does not envy- celebrate the other person! Don’t try to ‘one up’ them

-Love does not dishonor- never ever create regret, does not behave disgracefully, indecently, dishonorably , What serves you well while you are ‘living the life’ is going to destroy what you value most later in life. 

*the more you practice these characteristics- the more you will be repulsed by those who do not

*God will use this to protect your heart

-Does any of this come naturally? no! 

It requires effort- you have to make a decision to intentionally become someone worth pursuing and catching, 

instead of praying to meet the right person- pray that you are ready when that person comes into your life, be who they are looking for...

-Passion and chemistry come naturally to humans- 

you can feel this about ANY person, even people you don’t even really know. 

-In childhood stories- if you can just get these two people together, 

the rest will take care of itself “and they lived happily ever after” -- that's a myth. 

-It is time to put the ways of childhood behind you- it's not about magically meeting the right person; it’s about doing everything in your power to become the person that the person you are looking for is looking for

Part Two: The Gentleman's Club

your past will sneak into your present and destroying your future (?)

Story: Hairdresser tells about all the girls that come into the salon talking about how much they love their boyfriend..she asks "well what do you love about them?"  

 It’s the ‘about’ that’s going to stick around long-term

How men should view women- all women

-now in our culture; women are viewed, presented and talked about like a commodity-- use it, then trade it in, sell it and move on...

-Messages men get from women: take me, use me, do what you want with me, trade me in for another

-Husbands- love your wives like Jesus loved the church

-Husbands- be considerate as you live with your wives- treat them with respect (grant them honor) 

1 Peter

- Single guys: your responsibility is to honor women and treat them with respect, its practice for the day you marry a woman 

What guys can do: 

*Renew their mind to think differently about women:

-Music: erase music that degrades women: Christian men should be intolerant of that language

-Erotic Imagery: every time you sit down and look at pictures of naked women you’re at ‘school’ learning three lessons: a ‘real’ body isn’t good enough, one body isn’t good enough, your wife’s body isn’t good enough. This sets you up for extraordinary disappointment, leads you to view women as a commodity

 

*Make up your mind to behave differently

                -think about someone you have never met but you have so much respect for, if you had the opportunity to be in the presence of that woman…you would ‘defer’, honor her and be a gentlemen--that’s how you should treat every woman you ever meet, honor them, respect them

Advice to single guys:

                make an appointment 1 year from today- ‘resume dating’  

 Take a year off of dating/romantic relationship, spend that year renewing your mind, learning to speak respectfully to woman, change the way you treat and the way you think about woman.  Put away the ways of childhood (1 Corinthians 13)

Part Three:  Designer Sex

-Myth:   Sex- it’s only physical

-If you treat sex as if it’s just physical – you are hurting yourself, and your future spouse

-Questions:  Why is it that when a child is sexually abused, that when they grow up- it’s difficult to ‘shake it off’ makes life difficulty, affects them to the core?  Why is it that rape is so much more devastating to a woman than being beat up? “Why is it that men with the deepest sexual issues (sexual addiction) usually have uninvolved or missing fathers – predictable pattern- touches you at the deepest level)? Why is it that people’s biggest regrets are usually sexual in nature?

-SEX is NOT just physical

-God created sexuality as a part of intimacy (to know and be fully known). 

-Sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy

-The Bible addresses sex -(Apostle Paul) why it’s so important, so fragile.

-Flee from sexual immorality (sex outside of marriage), all other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually, sin against their own bodies [1 Corinthians 6:18]

Sexual sin is unlike any other sin- because of the depth to which is affects the offender- hurt yourself at the deepest level imaginable.

 v. 16: sex UNITES a man and women …God designed it this way- for two people to become one

-Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit- you are not your own- you were bought at a price (the cross) Therefore honor God with your bodies - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

-Sex is not just a matter of personal preference, it is a matter of Divine design

-MYTH- practice makes perfect- the more partners the better you will be at sex.

-Truth: You will be able to figure out sex without a single ‘practice session’

-Truth: Romance in marriage is fueled by a sense of exclusivity- not a skill. 'We’ve waiting for each other and we’ll figure it out together.'  Have eyes only for one person,  give all of you to just one person

-you need to determine the story you want to tell when you meet the person you will marry.  Determine what story you want, and then live in that way

-decide ahead of time what honoring God with your body is going to look like. Decide now what you will and will not do when it comes to relationships

-Giving up something now for something better later is not a sacrifice. it is an investment in your future

Part Four: If I Were You

-People get married and make promises/take vows they can’t keep. They want to but they aren’t prepared to keep them- they overlooked a principle: Promises are no substitute for preparation

-Just because you say ‘I do’ doesn’t make you able, or capable, just makes you accountable. Being accountable for something you aren’t able to do will make you miserable

-Commitment is overrated- if you commit to something you can’t do the commitment is worthless

-A lack of preparation cannot be trumped by a promise

-You will never be less motivated to deal with this until it may be too late. but now is the best time because now you have time to prepare for commitment

-If you make a decision to prepare to commit- you are highly unlikely to marry someone who hasn’t prepared to commit because those people will be in contrast to your values

-"The wisdom of the prudent (understands the past will affect the future- all of life is connected Past behavior predicts future behavior) is to give thought to their ways (habits, trends), but the folly of fools is deception" Proverbs 14:8

                -where the prudent is constantly examining their ways, the fool doesn’t pay attention to those things, thinks regardless of how the way life has usually gone, they will end up in a different place.

-"The simple believe anything" – when you fall in love you will believe anything—but the prudent give thought to their steps.  Proverbs 14:15

-the paths people choose trump the commitments they make. 

-the past is a better indicator than a promise

-Commit now to becoming someone who can keep commitments later

What you can do – 'Single People Assignments'

-Develop the habit of forgiveness

-Address your unresolved childhood issues

“If you attempt to build intimacy with a person before you’ve done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to fill the hole in your hear"

-Your future spouse will catch the issues you have with your parents – don’t drag that into your relationship

-Ladies- don’t dress like a commodity and don’t put up with being treated like one

                If you ‘fish’ with your body- you will catch ‘body snatchers’ every time.

-Get out of debt: you can get out of debt a LOT quicker as a single person than as a married person If you are single and have so poorly managed your finances- that’s a path, trend, that you will carry into marriage. Develop sound financial habits

-Break your bad habits- marriage was not designed to solve any problems- great things get better, bad things get worse

-Postpone the physical component of your relationship as long as possible- You are looking for the ONE, not every one- put it off so long they are wondering if you are even interested in that part! Self-control before you get married, results in self-control after you are married

-Avoid living together- research supports that those who live together before marriage have a higher chance of divorce. This is not a path to happily ever after. Woman- see it as a path to marriage, men move in to try it out to see if it would work

-Non-Christians: don’t date a Christian unless you plan to become one

-Get involved in your local church: serve others in the church, in that environment; you are more likely to meet people whose paths are in sync with the ones that you are trying to align yourself with

***

Whew, I know that was a LOT of information and I am very impressed if you read the whole thing. but I do just think these messages are awesome. 

Thank you to Jamie for posting them!! 

I took a lot from these messages, especially because of the season of life I am in right now...singleness..wondering if I will ever find someone.

I think its time to take a good look at myself, 

and see if I am the kind of person that the person I am looking for is looking for

 ... I think I should take some time off of even looking for someone..to and better myself so that I can really be that person I want to be, so that I can be the person that I am looking for is looking for.