When do you decide that a friendship just isn't worth it anymore? When do you decide to stop putting in the effort, stop dealing with drama, stop tackling issues of the past that keep getting brought up? . That its time to just go separate ways and be thankful for the few years you had to make some good memories?
Lately, well honestly ever since last semester, I have had a friendship that's just been going downhill...things just seem to keep happening. I feel like I barely know this person anymore, and I have know her for the past four years and lived with her for the past three.
There were just a lot of underlying issues pretty much all last semester that I wasn't really aware of- I mean I knew things weren't the same and she was distancing herself but I wasn't sure why -until they allll came out over the summer...Basically everything is about her ex-boyfriend who was one of my really good friends-before they started dating- who, um let's just say wasn't the best boyfriend and I got put in the middle of it. (have any of you been put in the middle when two of your friends started dating?)Well we talked about her concerns and the reasoning behind my decisions and I thought we were moving on in a good direction. Until something else happened last month and she brought back up everything that I thought was taken care of...
She says she forgives (even though I wouldn't change how I handled the situation that made her mad at me, I apologized..) but really its just hanging over my head waiting for the next time she can bring it back up..To me, that is not forgiveness and there is no real way to move on and get past things that way.
I feel like things are never going to be the same and I just need to accept that. We aren't in the same town, and we honestly probably won't ever be again for any length of time. I have never heard her say she values our friendship, or even really that she wants to be friends again...sighhh I am honestly just feeling like it's not worth my time and energy anymore
I don't know -maybe you are thinking that I am being overly dramatic, or making this into a big deal but I just take friendships so seriously, I've never had a serious boyfriend so my friends are all I've got, apart from family... I don't like friends just coming and going from my life. I'm not one of those girls that claims a new "bff" every other week...all of my best friends have been my friends since highschool, and even some of them since elementary school. Soo...that's why I am having a hard time just stopping the effort to make it work.
But I'm just wondering if I'm at the point where I just have to let it go...and move on.
6 comments:
You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling hurt. That's reasonable. Boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are so tricky, and when another person is involved it's just hard.Someone the other day told me "just let it go", and I explained it to them like this: "When you have a migraine headache, can you just let it go? No, you can't! Nobody can just let go of the pain, only time (and often medication) makes us feel better. I'm battling with some of the same things right now, but on a different level. You'll make new friends, and this situation may be painful for some time. But like everything else in the world---this too will pass. Bless you Jess. I'll start praying. :)
Relationships of any kind are about give and take. If you or the other person are not doing both of these then I say re-evaluate your relationship with that person.
Believe it or not, friendships are that much harder when you get older. Sometimes you have to just let them go and move on! (Can you tell I'm speaking from experience? Not fun, not fun at all...)
It seems like you had a wonderful relationship with this friend. Unfortunately, in a span of four years people can change completely. What was important to them four years ago may be completely different than present time. Sometimes you have to let people go from your life in order to grow more yourself.
I think you just know when its time to let go... hang in there girl!! letting go sucks but its not worth it when the other person doesnt put in the time!
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